Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
