so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
