we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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