Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I checked into jail on foursquare
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
