Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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