i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize