I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
