I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
