If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's shark week go big or go home
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
