just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
