How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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