my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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