If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
