He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
