can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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