Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
