Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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