my room smells like sperm. sweet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
