did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
