what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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