mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
