Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
