so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
