i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
