I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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