There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
