I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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