I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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