just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize