R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
where am i from again
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
