she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
