my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
