I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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