So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
