Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize