I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
