It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
