I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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