i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
