the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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