I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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