Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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