I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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