What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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