New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We are all done wearing pants today
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