Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
