I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
