I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
