So drunk its hurt
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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