I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
