Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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