So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
