I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize