just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
