weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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