I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
