I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
