I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
