I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
