Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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