Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
