let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
