Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
