whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
