I just made out with a guy for $7.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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