I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
