think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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