My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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