If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
