Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
